A fork in the road

Psalm 90:12, "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

It has been 10482 days since I was born.

10336 days since L was born.

2355 days since O was born.

980 days since J was born.

260 days since Z was born.

I'm turning 29 this year. I have been married for 4 years. I have 2 children.  

Why am I throwing all these numbers around? Because I feel like I'm at a standstill. What have I done with the ten thousand four hundred eighty two days of existence that God has given me? What have I accomplished?

I have a list - 30 before 30. You've probably seen this type of list circulating around. My bucket list doesn't include much. I'm not looking to walk on the moon or anything like that. I'm simply aiming to enjoy every moment that I have with the people I care about most. As a stay at home mom my days are filled with playing and cuddling with my kids - and I enjoy that, in fact I love that! But there is a part of me that wonders - is this what I'm called to do? Is there something more that I should be doing? It's a double edged sword. There are those that would call me lucky to be able to spend all day with my kids, take care of them, play with them, etc. and not have to "work." Then there are those who ask "Is that all you do? Don't you get bored? Wouldn't you rather be working?"

As a Christian I believe that God gives us a calling - to be someone, to do something. Our utmost calling is to be men and women who love Him and follow Him. Ever since I was a little girl I've always had a heart for teaching. I believe that this is how I'm going to make my "mark" in the world. I get discouraged when I think about not being able to finish school and get certified to teach. And then I realize that even though I'm not certified by the state it doesn't mean I'm not teaching. I don't have to step into a classroom to do that. In fact, I teach all day - there are two pairs of eyes that are always watching what I do and two pairs of ears that are always listening to what I'm saying. 

Our plans may not always play out the way we thought it would, but in all things God will work things out for the good of those He loves! With everything that has happened in my life God has led me here and I am doing what He's called me to do. Not in the way that I originally wanted but certainly in the way that is needed! And I'm more than happy with that.