Bacon is such a downer

Ferrer Kid Pyramid

It's Tuesday and I'm cooking bacon for dinner while J and Z are watching a movie and L is napping. You would think my mind would wander off to random things like those shoes that have been sitting in my e-cart for two weeks, or the Fitbit that I've been waiting for to launch - but no. My mind starts wandering towards saying goodbye to our kids. How morbid am I?

Ok ok let's backtrack a bit... making dinner and the intoxicating smell of bacon made me start thinking of all our family breakfasts. The way we sit around our table talking about what we're going to do that day or what we've done that past week. And I think, I hope our kids remember that. The jokes we told, the laughter we shared, and the memories we made. I hope that their kids get to hear about it as they sit together for their family meals. And then I think, Dear God, when you decide to take me home please don't take me until I can say a proper goodbye to my kids. Let me have a moment when I can tell them just how much they meant to me. How happy I am that I was chosen to be their Mama. How proud I am of who they are and who they are growing up to be. How my life was incredibly blessed that I got to spend my days seeing them grow and be a blessing to me and to everyone around them.

But since I don't get to pick the number of my days or the chances I may miss to tell them I'm going to do it here and someday I hope they'll get to read it and reflect on it, and then read it again to remember me, the me now - not the sick me, not the dying me, not the gone forever (but, hopefully never forgotten) me.

A fork in the road

Psalm 90:12, "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

It has been 10482 days since I was born.

10336 days since L was born.

2355 days since O was born.

980 days since J was born.

260 days since Z was born.

I'm turning 29 this year. I have been married for 4 years. I have 2 children.  

Why am I throwing all these numbers around? Because I feel like I'm at a standstill. What have I done with the ten thousand four hundred eighty two days of existence that God has given me? What have I accomplished?

I have a list - 30 before 30. You've probably seen this type of list circulating around. My bucket list doesn't include much. I'm not looking to walk on the moon or anything like that. I'm simply aiming to enjoy every moment that I have with the people I care about most. As a stay at home mom my days are filled with playing and cuddling with my kids - and I enjoy that, in fact I love that! But there is a part of me that wonders - is this what I'm called to do? Is there something more that I should be doing? It's a double edged sword. There are those that would call me lucky to be able to spend all day with my kids, take care of them, play with them, etc. and not have to "work." Then there are those who ask "Is that all you do? Don't you get bored? Wouldn't you rather be working?"

As a Christian I believe that God gives us a calling - to be someone, to do something. Our utmost calling is to be men and women who love Him and follow Him. Ever since I was a little girl I've always had a heart for teaching. I believe that this is how I'm going to make my "mark" in the world. I get discouraged when I think about not being able to finish school and get certified to teach. And then I realize that even though I'm not certified by the state it doesn't mean I'm not teaching. I don't have to step into a classroom to do that. In fact, I teach all day - there are two pairs of eyes that are always watching what I do and two pairs of ears that are always listening to what I'm saying. 

Our plans may not always play out the way we thought it would, but in all things God will work things out for the good of those He loves! With everything that has happened in my life God has led me here and I am doing what He's called me to do. Not in the way that I originally wanted but certainly in the way that is needed! And I'm more than happy with that.

Inspiration afoot.

I was inspired by a blog this morning. Inspired to start over. To make time to write. To make time to sit and ponder. To make time for reflection. To make time. This is my attempt to make time for me. To write, reflect, and gather myself in the midst of this chaos called life.

I know not yet where this blog is going. I don't know how often I'll be writing. I can't promise it'll be inspiring. Whatever ends up on here I promise to be honest. I promise to be genuine. And I promise to be me.

I hope for those of you reading that you enjoy it and if you are urged by one of my posts to comment please do so without disgresion. I invite you to be honest and genuine.

Adventures of a SAHM

So we finally made the leap.

As of yesterday, I have become a stay at home mom.  I'm excited, of course, because I will be the first to see and experience all the things that James will be doing and learning, and fearful at the same time because I will be the one he's learning from and imitating.

I have dreamed - longed to be a stay at home mom since we had J.  We have been toying with the idea for a couple of months and we finally made the decision to do it because we all needed a change.  Work was just getting too stressful and tedious for me.  Daycare was working well for J, but not for Daddy.  So we crunched our numbers and found that our expenses for my gas, insurance, and J's daycare amounted to just a little bit under my monthly salary anyway.  Hubby and I both agreed that the sacrifice is worth it.  We'll of course be skimping and budgeting more to make ends meet, but in the end it's what is going to work for us.  So now hubby can sleep in a little bit and get home earlier since he doesn't have to drop and pick-up J.  J can sleep in too since we no longer have to get out of the house by 7am, and no more bringing home sickness from daycare.

Call me crazy, but J has already learned so much from the time that I've been home.  There is endless possibilities of learning when you learn on a one on one basis.  Granted there is great learning potential in a group setting also but early childhood development has a big part in adulthood.  So hubby and I want him to learn from us instead of from others.

In the upcoming months we're going to have a lot of things we're going to be trying, doing, and learning.  I look forward to sharing our every adventure with you.

First off, grocery shopping with a toddler.
This will be the first time I'll be in the grocery store with J - by myself.  I usually have that time to myself since I go while the boys stay home and bond.  I'm usually in and out within 45 minutes since I plan my trip according to our needs vs. weekly ads + coupons, aisle by aisle, of course.  I'll need to be even more anal about it with a toddler that can't sit in a cart for too long.  I'm giving myself 15 minutes for our first trip.  Is that too high of an expectation for our first endeavor?  I fear I will be that mom that ends up with a cart full of candy and miscellaneous things because I threw them in the cart to appease a toddler tamper tantrum.

Wish me luck.

Who's your Daddy?

Hello Blog, it's me your Daddy...

So I'm temporarily back from hiatus-  I have time to write this morning because it's not so busy.  It's Columbus Day yet I'm still here at work.  What's been the haps since I last wrote... oh say about a month ago!?!?!  Well let's break it down in a handy dandy list, shall we?

• On the 19th, James went to his first White Sox tailgate!!!  His eyes were busy the entire time soaking everything in.  He had some fries, nachos, and even some cotton candy.  Even though I'm not a Sox fan I'm forced to go because it's Hubby's family tradition... and lo and behold- James is donning a Sox T -- BOOO!  James you break Mommy's heart.  He's got a Cubs outfit too but it was too big at the time, otherwise I would have totally made him wear that lol.

• On the 26th, we went apple picking for the first time with James.  James thoroughly enjoyed it.  He was even munching on an apple at the orchard.  I love doing things with our little family.  It reminds me of my childhood when we used to go apple picking yearly.
• On the 2nd, James attended his first wedding... but he didn't make it to the reception.  He took a big dumpie dumpie during the ceremony and exploded on his nice clothes.  Good thing Grandpa's house was nearby, we had to change him and ended up just spending time with his Ninong there.

• This past weekend was stay-in weekend.  It was nice to just be home for once.  We're always so busy on weekends that we never have time to rest...  We were in for the weekend except for a short trip to Darien and to the grocery store.

James has been surprising us with so many things!  He is so vocal nowadays and so very active!  He is crawling around everywhere in the house now.  Learning to climb over obstacles.  And also cruising on the furniture - he's even gotten to like pushing his walker around and walking with it like that.  He is saying more words and expressing himself a lot more.  He can wake 'bye bye,' make jokes, laugh, and even show dislike.  The other day Grannie was asking him "where's your daddy?"  and he cracks up looks right at me and points!!!  Yea that's right - I'm Daddy!  I'll take it for now... any acknowledgement is good I guess.  =(

So I guess that concludes our post... oh wait, what about me you ask?  What have I been up to?

Well, I've been busy running after the little guy as you know.  Not only that, I'm busy honing my cooking skills.  Now that James is eating real food and transitioning from baby food I find myself cooking a lot more - which is good but tiring.  I make Sunday my cooking day.  I get to cook for the week and just Tupperware everything!  And who's bright idea was this?  Hubby's.  While he and James watch football Mommy's -- errr Daddy's in the kitchen cooking her heart away.  Time to time James finds his way in and stays with me exploring my cabinets and cookware all the while Oreo is waiting at my feet for scraps.  Nap times then are my craft times.  While James snoozes I'm crafting like a madwoman making decorations and crafts for James' 1st Birthday Party.  I've already made his birthday banner, his invites are ready to be sent out, I've made most of his party hats... I'm learning to make the pom poms that go on top of the hats, and I'm also starting to make the decorations.  I'm hoping I'll be done before Thanksgiving - his party is the 1st weekend of Decemeber.

So my life is as good as can be.  I'm a happy little housewife; crafting and cooking away like a SAHM on the weekends and during the week I work my arse off to be able to pay the bills... a C'est la vie the double life of this mighty wife!  In the coming weekends we plan on going Pumpkin Picking - so excited to take James.  I love that we have a baby... he is such a good excuse to be able to do all the things I've always wanted to but didn't have to growing up.  We are also planning for a Thanksgiving trip to California... looking forward to that!!

Until next time friends.